For the New Year

Like all those paavam-looking Wikipedia contributors I too want a favor from you. While I do accept Indian Rupees as well, my bigger, and more immediate, request is for you to pray for me. That I lose some stubborn kilos. Ten, to be specific, though 5 would do just fine.

There are some conditions to this:

1. It should not require gymming at all. No treadmill, no elliptical, no weights. Walking allowed only if it’s about twice a week, to the local supermarket, with little sweating.

2. No dieting whatsoever. None.

3. No diseases. Actually I tend to waver on this one. Whenever I go for a lipid profile I half expect – even hope – to see some hint of diabetes or thyroid trouble. It would help me lose weight with nil efforts. But I’m careful in what I wish for. Plus these diseases require lifestyle changes strict diets. So no, thanks.

4. No weight-loss pills. Total trash, that stuff.

So there. Please say a small prayer for me sometime somewhere for a thinner me.

The aim is not better health or anything that lofty. In fact, from recent examples in the family and friends circle, I’m beginning to suspect that the slimmer and fitter ones tend to succumb more easily to diseases. The fat ones do fall sick but they seem to rebound rather well. Apparently all that adipose does store some survival potions.

I don’t even want to get thinner for beauty reasons. For that man this will do.

That 5 kg loss is to ensure that I get into my lovely designer blouses.  Painstakingly selected, tailored and paid for garments that are so mean that the minute I gain 0.005 grams, I’m notified thus. Hateful things.